You’ve been feeling a bit all over the place and burnt out lately, so for the first time in ages you’ve decided to stay in on a Saturday night. You want to wake up feeling fresh on Sunday because you have training, coffee with a gym buddy, a birthday lunch in town, you’ve been invited to watch a game and go to the market, which you’ll try and squeeze in, if you can, because you’re also meeting an old friend for a quick drink later that evening in town.
You’re just about to cook dinner and the phone rings. You’re starving, you try and ignore it, but you can’t. You know it will be someone asking what you’re up to, you should ignore it, but then you don’t want them to think you’re blanking them. “There’s an awesome party tonight, do you want to come?” You were out Tues, Weds, Thurs and Fri and now you’re shattered, plus it’s the end of the month so money’s a bit tight. “Oh Pleeeeeeeeease, it will be rubbish if you don’t come.” Now you feel guilty, like you’re letting them down. Before you know it, you’ve said yes, freshened up and you’re out the door without even a mouthful of dinner. You’d hate to miss out.
Turns out the night wasn’t all that awesome. You spent too much money, drunk too many Pinot Grigios, lost your phone and left your card at the bar, plus cabs were a nightmare. Rolling in at 6am was not on the agenda either.
You wish you’d said no and stayed in.
Could it be time to consider under socialising?
- Do you find it really hard to ignore your phone, switch it off or put it on silent, in case you miss somebody?
- Are you only ever at home for one evening a week. Does the diary always have something in it, gym, coffee, drink, movie, launch, show, mums etc?
- Do you find it really difficult to say no to people and then spend the time leading up to the event thinking about how much you don’t want to go?
- Do you feel guilty if you can’t go to something, as if you’re letting that person down because if they invited you it must mean you should be there?
- Does not going to something fill you with actual dread that you might miss out? Is FOMO your middle name?
- Do you have to look at event magazines and websites to be sure you’re going to the best things and still have your finger on the pulse?
- Do you feel uncomfortable in your own company or does the thought of a night home alone makes you feel really edgy?
- Does the thought of not being seen at a party dent your pride, in case people think you weren’t on the list or something?
- Are you scared that if you stop going out, people will stop inviting you to things and you’ll be forgotten about?
If you’ve answered yes to most of the above then it’s time for you to start under socialising. Going out to have fun is great, it’s good for the soul and everyone needs to let their hair down, once in a while. Going out because you feel you have to, you can’t say no or because you’re scared you’ll miss out… not so great.
- You compromise yourself
- You over commit
- You risk burn out
So what is under socialising?
Firstly it doesn’t mean you stop socialising altogether. Too much of something can put you off for life. Like when you eat too much of the same thing and then you just can’t bear it any more (I went through a smoked salmon phase, and now the thought of it makes me want to yak) or like the first drink you got drunk on (Malibu! It took years to even use Hawaiian Tropic sun cream). The point is, you don’t want to burn out and stop socialising all together, right? It’s about choosing a few quality nights rather than lots of mediocre nights.
Something else you may want to consider is, how is your socialising preventing you from progressing at work? If you know you have more to give and hold a big vision for yourself but things aren’t moving as quickly as you like, could this be why.
Questions to consider:
- Are you regularly late?
- Are you too tired to go the extra mile?
- Do you experience anxiety and self-doubt at work?
- Do you find you can become overly emotional and are easily triggered?
- Are you putting of doing that extra training, reading that book or watching that seminar because you just don’t have the time or money?
Try the below for one month and you’ll instantly feel more energised, in control, grounded, focussed, alive, in love with life and more able to give to others.
- Prioritise all your engagements for the week and only say yes to the top 3. Discover how liberating it is to say no
- Think about what you can gain from staying in rather than what you’ll miss out on. Try writing it down, seeing it in black and white will remind you why it’s important
- Choose your 5 closest friends and only agree to meet ups with those five. Remind yourself of how real quality time with the people you love makes you feel.
Loved this and want to take your discovery journey one step further? Book a free breakthrough session with one of our Happiness Explorer coaches now – click here to schedule your session now