2022 was one of those years for me. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt so trapped in grief that it feels like it’s eating you from the inside, but that’s where I was. The happiness, joy and ecstasy was missing.
The Catalyst of Change
It all started not long after lockdown. I made the incredibly hard decision to end my relationship—the hardest decision of my life—because while I loved my son’s father, deep down, I knew the relationship wasn’t right. At the same time, he lost his job due to COVID, and I was juggling severe sleep deprivation, a breakup, and single parenting a two-year-old. I couldn’t afford to break. I was the sole provider, so I hyper-focused on earning an income. Looking back, it’s fascinating how productive I was during that time. My focus was razor-sharp, but there was no space for feelings. No room for emotion.
Then one Saturday, I finally had a day free from work and childcare. It all started to creep in. When I found out my ex was dating a close friend, I spiralled. I hadn’t fully processed the breakup or the loss of my dream of a family—something I’d always wanted—because I had to be strong for my son. Walking away initially gave me a burst of energy because I was no longer in the uncertainty, but I hadn’t factored in the strength needed to process the loss. If you’ve ever been through a breakup or a divorce with children involved, you might relate to the multiple layers of realisation that need tender compassion.
The Weight of Grief
I felt so alone. No support. A single mother. A failure. I knew I’d made the right decision, but the pull of wanting to keep the dream of ‘family’ alive tugged at my heart. So I cried. I cried and cried. I woke up crying, went to bed crying, cried behind my glasses on the plane, under a mask when I had to wear one, in the toilet before delivering workshops. Sometimes, I spent hours in my room, unable to go into town for fear of seeing my ex. The pain was too raw. As I share this with you, I worry you might think I’m inauthentic. During that year, I also ran two coaching courses, hosted events, spoke at the Happy Place festival, and much more.
You see, even while this grief was playing out, I knew it wasn’t all of me. It was just a long patch of bad weather. I also had moments of joy, happiness, and laughter. All of this—all of me—could exist together.
I could still coach, mentor, teach, speak, be an excellent mother, and bring joy, love, and support to those around me. I attribute this to the thousands of hours of work I’d done on myself. Even though I felt like I was drowning in grief, I never drowned. I knew that, like when learning to surf, I would fall off into the wave and hit the bottom but always come up for air again.
A New Year, A New Mindset
By the time the new year arrived in 2023, I knew things had to change. I couldn’t spend another year feeling this way. So on January 1st, I decided to create a circuit breaker as soon as I woke up. I practiced what I call the Vibe Elevator, and it’s so much fun that I want to share it with you today.
The Vibe Elevator Technique
You’ll need about ten minutes for this, but as little as five could work, and you can go on as long as you like, to start reaching for that ecstasy. Each morning, you have the chance to paint a blank canvas, and this exercise will give you the view you want to paint from. It’s a process that requires imagination and commitment. If you’re half-hearted with it, it won’t work. Think along the lines of something they’d get you to do in drama class as a kid. Don’t worry; you’ll probably be alone when you do this, so let all self-consciousness fall away. Close Your Eyes: Imagine you’re stepping into an elevator. Mine always looks like an old-fashioned one with metal round buttons—like the one at Hotel Cappuccino in Mallorca. I loved this elevator so much; I took a photo in there of my son!
Ground Floor: Start at the ground floor, feeling low, depressed, sad, or lacking energy. Rise Up the Levels: Take yourself up the levels by talking yourself into a higher vibration. You may even want to bounce on the spot to bring the energy into your body. Level One: What would level one look like? For me, moving from grief to anger felt better. Continue Upwards: Continue up the levels, asking yourself what feeling is better than the last and what you can think about to call this in, all the way up until you reach bliss. Sometimes, I reached ecstasy. I did this for 30 days without fail, first thing each morning, and it broke through the grief enough for me to find windows of natural joy and happiness.
The Work of Happiness
Sometimes, we have to work on our happiness and joy. If you’ve ever been through a breakup, lost a loved one, been sick, or felt stuck, you’ll know that happiness doesn’t always come automatically—it takes work. That’s when it’s time to journey within. That’s when it’s time for healing. Through this practice, I began to recognise that I held the keys to my own happiness. I learned that I could feel multiple emotions at once; I could be grieving and still find joy. I could experience pain while also allowing room for laughter. This duality was a revelation.
Finding Moments of Ecstasy
As I continued my practice, I noticed moments of joy beginning to appear more frequently. I started to look forward to my mornings. Not just as a time to get work done but as an opportunity to uplift myself and set the tone for the day. I began to reconnect with my passions—dancing, painting, and spending time outdoors and I felt lighter. My laughter returned, and my son’s giggles became a source of pure joy. I realised I was teaching him resilience simply by embodying it myself.
The Power of Community
Another crucial element that aided my transformation was the support of my community. I surrounded myself with friends and family who uplifted me and encouraged me to share my feelings. Their love reminded me that I was not alone in this journey. Being vulnerable about my experiences allowed others to open up, creating deeper connections that enriched my life. It was a two-way street; as I shared my struggles, I also learned about theirs, fostering a sense of shared humanity that helped us all feel less isolated.
A New Perspective
As I continued to embrace the Vibe Elevator, I noticed a profound shift in my perspective. I began to view challenges as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles. I learned to appreciate the lessons in pain and sorrow, realising that they could lead to deeper understanding and empathy. By the end of January 2023, I felt a sense of lightness I hadn’t experienced in a long time. The grief that once felt so suffocating transformed into a bittersweet reminder of love lost but not forgotten. I learned that it’s okay to carry both joy and sorrow simultaneously; it’s part of being human.
Embracing Ecstasy
Fast forward to now, and I can confidently say that I have lifted myself out of depression and into ecstasy. I have reclaimed my joy, purpose, and passion for life. It hasn’t been a linear journey; there have been ups and downs. But the key is that I have the tools to navigate them. The Vibe Elevator is now a cherished part of my daily routine. Each morning, I paint my canvas, setting the tone for my day. I’ve learned to listen to my heart and give myself permission to feel. I’ve recognised the importance of community and support, embracing vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness. As I continue on this path, I’m excited about what lies ahead. I’m open to experiencing life in all its fullness, ready to embrace whatever comes my way.
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s important to honour your feelings, whether they are joy, grief, or something in between. All emotions are valid and can coexist. Create a Routine: Establishing a daily practice, like the Vibe Elevator, can help you shift your energy and set a positive tone for your day.
Surround Yourself with Support: Build a community that uplifts and encourages you. Sharing your struggles can foster deeper connections and remind you that you’re not alone.
Embrace Duality: Recognise that you can experience both joy and sorrow simultaneously. This duality is part of the human experience and can lead to greater understanding and empathy. Be Open to Growth: View challenges as opportunities for growth. Embrace the lessons that come from pain, knowing they can lead to deeper insights and resilience. If you find yourself struggling, remember that there is always hope. You have the power to lift yourself out of darkness and into a life filled with ecstasy, pure ecstasy and joy. Embrace the journey; it is yours to create.
