In a world where happiness is often linked to achievements, possessions or relationships, many of us end up in a cycle of dissatisfaction. We may have food, a home and friends, yet a sense of emptiness can overshadow daily life. If you’ve felt that something is missing, despite having things that should bring happiness, you’re not alone. Here, we will explore a common mistake in the pursuit of happiness and I’ll offer strategies to reclaim your joy. By the end, you’ll be ready to stop settling and live a more fulfilling and happy life.
The Illusion of Conditional Happiness
We often find ourselves believing happiness lies in future achievements or conditions. Thoughts like “I’ll be happy when I lose weight” or “I’ll be happy when I find love”, create a conditional view of happiness, that’s always just out of reach.
This mindset is problematic in two main ways:
- The Future is Uncertain – You might never reach that idealised future and even if you do, happiness may not arrive as you expect.
- Perpetual Dissatisfaction – Tying happiness to future events, leads to dissatisfaction with current circumstances, making it hard to appreciate the present.
Why Are We Waiting for the Future?
From an early age, we’re taught that happiness is a result of certain milestones – doing well in school, finding a partner, buying a home – reinforced by society and family advice. This mindset can make us defer happiness to an indefinite future, missing out on joy in the present. Constantly postponing happiness, can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety and depression, hindering true fulfilment.
If you feel you could be happier but are unsure why it’s important to identify blocks that might be holding you back. Here are six common barriers:
- Negative Self-Talk – The way we speak to ourselves has a significant impact on happiness.
- Unrealistic Expectations – Setting unattainable goals, can rob us of joy in the journey.
- Fear of Failure – Fearing failure can prevent you from pursuing dreams, leading to frustration.
- Comparison to Others – Comparing ourselves to others, often leaves us feeling inadequate.
- Staying in Your Comfort Zone – Avoiding challenges, hinders growth and can feel unfulfilling.
- Waiting for External Validation – Relying on others’ approval, can leave emotions dictated by outside forces.
Taking Radical Positive Action
Shift Your Mindset – Recognise happiness as an internal state. Practise gratitude, to shift focus from what you lack, to what you have.
Embrace the Present Moment – Mindfulness practices help you become more present and appreciate life’s simple pleasures.
Set Intentions Not Just Goals – Instead of focusing only on achievements, consider the experiences you want. For instance, rather than aiming to lose weight, set an intention to honour your body with nourishing foods.
Confront Your Happiness Blocks – Identify which blocks resonate most with you. Challenge self-talk, set realistic expectations and embrace discomfort as part of growth.
Seek Support – If you feel stuck, reach out. Whether through therapy coaching or supportive friends, sharing your journey, can bring new insights and solutions.
Join The Happiness Reset – If you’re ready to take action, join my 7-day programme: The Happiness Reset, designed to help you break free from being happy conditionally, embrace a joyful life, gain clarity on what matters to you, develop tools to overcome happiness blocks, connect with a supportive community, implement positive action steps and shift your perspective to see challenges as growth opportunities.
Stop deferring joy to a future time, recognise common blocks and practise gratitude. Embrace mindfulness, to appreciate the present, focus on intentions and seek support when needed. Finding your happy is a journey that begins with self-worth and embracing your true self. If you’re ready to make a commitment, start now, to reclaim joy and live a more fulfilling life.
